I was extremely hesitant when they announced the opening of the Editorial Board race. Baka di ko kayanin. I didn't do such a good job this year, what makes me think that I'll be able to handle a higher position? I have too many  responsibilities in church, which I am not willing to give up. This year, usually yun naman lagi ang conflict eh. Not that academic work isn't demanding, it's just that I can always weigh where I'm more needed when choosing between TLS and academic work. Pero with church work, wala nang tanong-tanong. That'll always win, no matter what. Alam yan ng current EB.

Like last year, I decided on the last day to run for an EB position. All my concerns were still in my head, pero sabi ko nalang, basta nagka-conflict with an important church activity, I'd quit the race immediately. I won't think about the long list of reforms I wanted to implement. I won't think of how much time and energy I've invested. Basta I'd quit.

Things were going well. I was pretty optimistic about the whole ordeal, just keeping in mind I already did it last year. But now, I have to make an important decision. Our group simulation was rescheduled to Saturday-Sunday. Saturday night, we usually have choir practice for an important church occassion, in which I have a major role. Sunday  morning, I sing for the worship service. After that, the children's worship service where I am an official. After that, I have to teach the children's choir. Going to the group simulation is NOT an option for me. And I have this splitting headache that's been  plaguing me for a few hours.

I'm tired. I don't want to do the other assignments, and I don't know what I'll do about the group simulation.

But if I quit now, I'll never see my plans take shape. I won't be the leader that I envisioned myself to be. On top of that, I'll have  an extra year of college where I'll basically be drifting, taking 12 units per term. I also promised my mother she won't have to pay tuition fees for this year.

What to do, what to do?

http://nothingshortofpassionate.blogspot.com/

Mediocrity is the ailment that paralyzes the current generation. With the great shadows of our predecessors hovering over us, it is easy to become content with who we are and what we do. There is, after all, no point in improving oneself if there is always someone else who has done it better before. For 21 years, this has been the mentality I lived with. The quest for greatness and immortality has been foregone, to do things less important but is more enjoyable.

But now, I choose to digress from this path of sloth and indifference.

Greatness and immortality may not be waiting in the end, but at least I'll be able to say that I tried, and damn it, I'm going to try hard. I'll take a step towards what I want to do, no matter what other people think of me. I'm not going to be afraid of making mistakes. I want to live like there's no one watching.

This is where it all begins. The battle will be hard, and the end is uncertain. One thing's for sure though: I certainly won't stop fighting.

Ever thought your surname was too long? Ever realized how phonetically unappealing it sounds? Ever thought it sounded like something remarkably unpleasant?



Well, I bet you're not complaining now...

...Despite my frustrations with myself this past year...
...Despite wanting to scrape my brains out for ideas for the upcoming issues...
...Despite spending a small fortune on sending text messages to my staff...
...Despite the conflicts I've had with some staff members and editors...
...Despite consuming a large fraction of my time...

I've submitted a letter of intent to run for another editorial post next year.

I've went back and forth about it this past week. Fear, Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Disappointment... I felt all of these while thinking if I should run or not. But now only one remains: Excitement.

I didn't do my best last year, even though I promised I would. This time, I'll make it happen. Look out, other student publications: I'm out for blood.



P.S.
George, if you're reading this, I hope you appreciate the gratuitous use of ellipses. :P

I haven't quit smoking yet. I was supposed to stop smoking at the start of the new year, but alas, we were on vacation and there was nothing else to do. Plus, I wanted to be there for my cousin who lost part of his left index finger to a cooking incident. And smoking was our bonding time. Also, I'm still bummed by my recent weight gain, and I can't go to the gym these days because of press work.

***

Speaking of press work, it's been really slow for me. Surveys aren't being conducted, and a univ article has not yet been written. My column is also stagnant as of the moment. I'm having a hard time writing these days. Perhaps it's the weather. The cold makes me lazy. And coffee doesn't do the trick anymore. At least not like it used to.

***

My mom had her room renovated. If there ever was one, she'd be the renovation queen. Our house has been overhauled every 5 years since we moved here. It's only been two years since the last incarnation, but there they are, construction workers and carpenters tearing down a part of their room's wall to move the door. There they are repainting their room, from a light peach to a mellow yellow. There's really nothing wrong with what she's doing. Our house looks better each time she decides to tear it down and build another one in its place. But somehow, the house loses the feeling of being a home. This is not the house I grew up in, and it's hard to find a connection. O well. Maybe in another 3 years.

That's the number I saw when I stepped on the weighing scale behind my bedroom door this morning. I hate the holidays. Or rather I hate the fallout that happens after the holidays. Of course when it's the Christmas season, you can hardly think of your waistline when there's so much food on the table. Or rather tables. Hehe. And you really can't expect to lose weight during a 3-day family excursion where we were in the company of 8000 pesos-worth of junk food, after eating which, we lie down.

But it's a new year. And new years are great starting points for new beginnings. So this 2009, not only am I going to try (again) to get fit, I'll also try to quit smoking. Seven years of smoking is enough, and I don't want to wait for lung cancer to creep in before I finally quit. I also have to quit to improve my respiration and endurance, for those long trips at the gym, of course.

A late Happy new year everyone. :)

...after three e-mails, a hundred text messages to the Terno Recordings guy, and a walkathon in Makati (I don't know my way around... Haha!), I finally got my copy of the limited edition of Bipolar by Up Dharma Down! It's been such a stressful couple of weeks: the week before finals, and finals week, plus The LaSallian presswork. It's such a welcome escape to listen to their album. I love experimental music. XD

kasi pare ganito daw yun. may isa daw babae na hot daw pare. pero maputla siya kasi hindi
siya inalagaan ng nanay niya pare. tapos pare emo daw siya kasi nga daw hindi siya mahal ng mundo at para siyang patay na bata na galit sa mundo. tapos pare, lumipat daw siya ng tirahan kasi daw masyado daw siyang emo para sa luma niyang tirahan. sabi niya sa nanay niya "tangina mo nay gusto ko lumipat kay tay". tangina pare hindi nagalit nanay niya. sabi lang ng nanay niya "tangina mo pare wag ka magmura".

so lumipat siya sa tatay niya di ba? pagkarating niya dun sabi niya, "tangina erpat bakit maulan dito?" sabi ng erpat niya "gago "bur" months na! malamig na tangena". so nagtaka yung babaeng simula ngayon ay tatawagin na lang nating "babaeng maputla at emo".

so pumasok siya sa school di ba? binigyan siya ng truck ng tatay niya pare. sabi ng tatay niya "tangina mo sa'yo na tong truck ko". sabi niya "salamat tay".

pagkarating niyang school tsong, may nakita siyang lalaking mukhang bangkay pero pogi. sakto. pogi pero mukhang bangkay. sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "hot pare".

nung chem lab na ni babaeng maputla at emo, natagpuan niyang lab partner niya yung poging bangkay. so nung tinignan siya nung poging bangaky, ang asim ng mukha nito. mukhang nandiri ata kay babaeng maputla at emo.

sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina KA". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina NIYA oh *tumuro sa teacher nila*". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "oo nga noh. TANGINA MO". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo gago bampira ako". tapos naghubad siya ng damit at kumintab ang katawan niya kasi linagyan niya ng glitters ang abs niya kasi tigas siya at ganun na ang mga tigas ngayon na nagpupuntang emba.

so pare na in love si babaeng maputla at emo kay poging bangkay. si poging bangkay naman sige lang kasi sex din daw yun. so ayun. angshweet shweet nila.

"eow poh... ahihihihi"

"bebe mwahugz,..... ^^,"

so tapos nun nagpunta sila sa damuhan kasi.... alam mo na. tapos sabi ni poging bangkay "ikaw na buhay ko ngayon" sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina mo gago patay ka na". sabi ni poging bangkay "TANGINA KA".

tapos nagsex sila

so basically pare yun lang yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buong storya. intense noh? kaya pala nahhook lahat ng tao.

(Hindi ako nagsulat nito kaya wag nyo kong aawayin, mga Twilight fangirls!)

Ang panget ng gawa ng kagrupo mo...



Sinabi mo sa kanya ayusin, pero sabi nya ayaw nya, at may 4 na exam sya next week...



Sabi mo, "sige, ako nalang mag-aayos, kahit 5 exam ko"...



Ikaw na din sa powerpoint because for some reason, nakarating sya ng 3rd year sa La Salle nang hindi marunong gumamit...



TAPOS SYA PA DEMANDING!? GRRRRRRRR........

Makes me want to print my old shirt design and wear it to school

...but I'd have to think if I'm doing something wrong in terms of staff management. Aaron ambiguously said that his "dream of going further in his TLS career would have to remain unrealized." Whether it simply means he's not going to run for an Editorial Board position, or he will quit the publication entirely, is still a question. We had a few "scuffles" these past couple of months, first in October because he thought my comments were too harsh and unfounded (he even printed out a copy of his article to survey TLS and Plaridel people, asking if his article was OK). I gave him all the reasons for my comments, even gave him direction. I reasoned with him, as opposed to bashing his head against the walls of SPS, shouting "ANG NEWBIE NG GAWA MO!" He submitted another draft, but he was obviously taking it personally. I gave him kinder (the comparative form of "kind", not the pre-school level) comments the next time, followed by a reminder that whatever comments I give, it's for his own betterment, and not for him as a person (although that could use some work too), but him as a writer.

Ngayong November issue naman, I gave him the usual comments, some of them the same from the preceeding months. It was a 25 Cents' article, which obviously, was opinionated. However he presented his arguments as if they were facts, without giving substantial basis. One part of his article argued that we pray so much during elections, that the next president would be great, that he/she will save us from poverty and corruption, then boom, si Gloria nanalo. I said that it's not like people genuinely wanted Gloria to win, it just so happened that Gloria will cheat, FPJ will be voted by the masses, and all other candidates will not matter. If no one voted for GMA, FPJ would've won. Sabi ko, you can't blame the people, nor the divine being they cling to, for that. It was a grim situation. Then he replied "Oh really!?", followed by arguments, obviously fueled more by anger than logic. Syempre nagalit ako. He's questioning my authority. And he thinks he knows more about politics than I do. It's utterly insulting, like the masses he would've offended if his first draft were published. He apologized naman, but he said he was going to "focus on his studies" muna (sounds familiar?), especially now that he has officially shifted to CBE (if you care to know, I don't think he'll survive).

And now, si Steffi din, nagpaalam na that she's leaving. Well, at least she's honest. And she knows the damage that she has done. She keeps saying na "I'll send it tonight" or "nasend ko na", pero wala pa din sa inbox ko, or ng co-writer nya, si Marie. She volunteered to do a review din, which she has only submitted, (the deadline was... 2 weeks ago?) Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I'm going to talk to her seriously about it, and give her sanctions if necessary. Pero nagulat ako. Sinubmit nya ang review nya kanina, kasama ng notice that she'll be leaving.

Haaay...

Again, it's not like I'm sad. Whenever Aaron submits a draft, I have to force myself to read it to the end. I have to smoke a couple of Dunhills (or Marlboro Menthols if I run out), plus drink a cup of coffee just to boost my concentration and comprehension. Si Steffi naman, gusto ko na sakalin. If you can't do it, just say so, para di na ko maghihintay, at di na ko mangungulit! Well, now they're leaving on their own. I'm actually happy that hindi na ko magpapakahirap mag-enumerate ng mga dahilan kung bakit sa tingin ko hindi nila ginagawa trabaho nila ng maayos. But then, I'd have to look at myself. Did I push them away? Worse, am I pushing my other staff members away? I can understand that Aaron and Steffi are leaving. Clearly from their work, writing really isn't for them. But what about my legit staff? Is my attitude driving them away?

Sorry ang haba, pero salamat kung nabasa nyo hanggang dito. :))